Wonderful writing
As promised, here is Emily's edited and improved story, The Mystery. I am sure she would love your comments and constructive feedback on it but otherwise enjoy!
Suddenly, the silence was shattered by a loud scream! What was that?
I leaped back as fast as I could and that’s when I heard a high-pitch shriek. I didn’t know what to do, I was panicking whilst breathing deeply. Shaking with fear I hid behind a big tree- that was twice the size of me-waiting cautiously to see if I heard that noise again. And I did but only once. I gasped because it sounded like a young girl. What is happening? Why is a girl screaming? Or was this even a girl?
I’m meant to be at a school trip in the country. As it was quite boring, I ran off into the deep, dark woods. That’s how I got here. I put on foot on the entrance to the cave then all of a sudden, the weather changed dramatically. I flung my foot off and looked with fear on my face. It was getting dark and a storm was rolling in.
My name is Gabby and I have one sister called Becky we are just like best friends. I was thinking if I should go back in case my teacher (who was called Miss B) would be worrying about me. I wanted to go in the cave badly and find out who or what was screaming; I want to go back home before it gets too late. What do I do?
I was in the cave when I realised that the walls were hollow. Why are they hollow? I couldn’t see the entrance, so I kept on going further in the cave. I tripped over a stone. Then the wall came flooding down nearly killing me. I went through the hole that had been made. I saw a red splat on the wall that was slowly dripping down. There was a big pile of fresh human bones lay on the floor. I stood there before suddenly dropping down a hole that was opening in the floor. I was trapped. I was going past all these places on some type of slide. Then that’s when it took me to the entrance. But why? I ran straight outside just in case it trapped me in forever. I was trying to remember witch way to go as I ran through the deep, dark woods.
I went back to the house just in the nick of time. Because it was the last day we went to the beach and me and all off my friends including Becky got an ice-cream. And nobody knew.
The Mystery
Suddenly, the silence was shattered by a loud scream! What was that?
I leaped back as fast as I could and that’s when I heard a high-pitch shriek. I didn’t know what to do, I was panicking whilst breathing deeply. Shaking with fear I hid behind a big tree- that was twice the size of me-waiting cautiously to see if I heard that noise again. And I did but only once. I gasped because it sounded like a young girl. What is happening? Why is a girl screaming? Or was this even a girl?
I’m meant to be at a school trip in the country. As it was quite boring, I ran off into the deep, dark woods. That’s how I got here. I put on foot on the entrance to the cave then all of a sudden, the weather changed dramatically. I flung my foot off and looked with fear on my face. It was getting dark and a storm was rolling in.
My name is Gabby and I have one sister called Becky we are just like best friends. I was thinking if I should go back in case my teacher (who was called Miss B) would be worrying about me. I wanted to go in the cave badly and find out who or what was screaming; I want to go back home before it gets too late. What do I do?
I went into the cave…
I was in the cave when I realised that the walls were hollow. Why are they hollow? I couldn’t see the entrance, so I kept on going further in the cave. I tripped over a stone. Then the wall came flooding down nearly killing me. I went through the hole that had been made. I saw a red splat on the wall that was slowly dripping down. There was a big pile of fresh human bones lay on the floor. I stood there before suddenly dropping down a hole that was opening in the floor. I was trapped. I was going past all these places on some type of slide. Then that’s when it took me to the entrance. But why? I ran straight outside just in case it trapped me in forever. I was trying to remember witch way to go as I ran through the deep, dark woods.
I went back to the house just in the nick of time. Because it was the last day we went to the beach and me and all off my friends including Becky got an ice-cream. And nobody knew.
Now that was a day!!!
By Emily
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